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Jokes

Tom's jokes and funny stories, from the daily pages (2002–2004) and the joke database (2006). 2,977 items · page 8 of 75

Joke#281

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.

Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life.

As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.

"Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully.

"Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?

Joke#282

If you can start the day without caffeine;
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles;
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it;
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time;
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong;
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment;
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him/her;
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend;
If you can face the world without lies and deceit;
If you can conquer tension without medical help;
If you can relax without liquor;
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs;
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics;

...Then, you are ALMOST as good as your dog!

Joke#283

A couple was touring the Capitol in Washington D.C., and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the congressional chaplain.

The lady asked, "What does the chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or House?"

The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at the Congress, then prays for the country!"

Joke#284

Advisory

The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in an area by their droppings:

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

Joke#285

A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk my son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else."

The boy stared wide eyed and said, "Yes."

The father continued, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal. It's called golf."

Joke#286

Q: Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?

A: You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Joke#287

One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"

The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."

The officer let him in.

Joke#288

A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, "Sherry, I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?"

Sherry thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a can of 'Baked Beans', would you know exactly which bean made you fart?""

Joke#289

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Canada.

Well, there's a very simple answer......

Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low, and the reason for that is purely geographical.

All our oil is in Alberta..... All our dipsticks are in the capital ....Ottawa.

Joke#290

Every ten years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.

I'll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.

It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.

The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.

The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.

No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.

The boy we'd decreed "most apt to succeed"
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted "least" now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.

They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least.
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.

They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.

At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.

It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.

By the fortieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.

And now I can't wait as they've set the date;
Our sixtieth is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.

Repairs have been made on my old hearing aid;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.

I'm feeling quite hearty; I'm ready to party,
I'll dance until dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; and I hope at least one
Other person can make it that night.

Author Unknown

Joke#291

Two mothers were talking about a third one who had just given birth to triplets.

"You know, that only happens one in twelve-thousand times?" said the one.

"Amazing! How did she ever find time to do any housework?"

Joke#292

Male Blonde Jokes
You know it is a male blonde...

When he thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

When he thinks a quarterback is a refund.

When he suggests you meet him at the corner of WALK & DON'T WALK.

When the bottom of an application form says "Sign here", and he puts "Leo".

When on his job applications, he puts "Hooked on Phonics" for education.

If it takes him two hours to watch "60 Minutes."

Joke#293

Q: What do you get when you cross a bee with a quarter pound of beef?
A: A humburger.

Q: What is a cheerleader's favorite soft drink?
A: Root beer!

Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka.

Q: When are cooks cruel?
A: When they beat the eggs and whip the cream.

Q: What can be served but never eaten?
A: A tennis ball.

Q: What do baseball players eat on?
A: Home plates!

Q: What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop?
A: Getting the scoop!

Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: With tomato paste.

Joke#294

A magician was hired by a cruise line. Every night the Captain was in the front row watching the show with his parrot on his shoulder. After several nights the parrot caught on to the act and began to heckle the magician. He would yell things like, "its up his sleeve" or "its in his hat" and even "his assistant has it"

That very night the boat hit an iceberg and sunk. The magician woke the next morning floating on a piece of wreckage. He looked around and there on the edge of the wreckage was the parrot.

For 2 days they just stared at each other, neither saying a word. Finally the parrot says "ok, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Joke#295

Mexico is planning to remain our ally in the impending war against Iraq. Their army is going to teach ours how to sneak over the border at night. --Jay Leno

Joke#296

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?", asked the prosecutor.

"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"

Joke#297

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.

As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...

Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"

Cobra: "I don't know, tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."

Joke#298

Two old folks got married. As they were laying in their wedding suite, staring at the ceiling, the old man says, "I haven't been completely honest with you. I think the world of you, but you are only number two to me. Golf is my first love. It's my hobby, my passion, my first love."

They both stare at the ceiling for a bit then the woman said, "While we're baring our souls, I guess I better tell you that I've been a hooker all my life."

The man jumps out of bed, looks at her a moment then says, "Have you tried widening your stance and adjusting your grip?

Joke#299

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,

Then you are probably the family dog.

Joke#300

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

"In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor than asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and cold and chilly after the second time.... "Do you know why?"

"Oh that old buzzard!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December."

Joke#301

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.

Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.

"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

Joke#302

I've heard through my sources in the CIA and FBI that Saddam isn't all stupid. (Yeah, I have sources in the CIA and FBI. Me and that Chuck Barris guy. Fer shure.)

Saddam's watched what our planes did in Afghanistan and has ordered the renaming of some of his villages and towns just in order to confuse us.

Some of the new names include:

Wherz-myroof

Mykamel-izded

Oshit-Disisabad

Waddi -El-Izgowinon

Pleez-Ztopdishit

Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi

Ikantstan-Disnomore

Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin

Myturbin-Izburnin

Imma-Dedshmuck

Joke#303

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a Farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work, the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"

With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."

The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?"

"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."

Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."

Joke#304

Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
Sam

Dear Sam,
Yes. Run for public office.

Joke#305

A middle-aged executive was becoming increasingly irritated by the constant ribbing he was taking from the junior employees who couldn't resist making fun of his baldness.

One morning, a particularly brash trainee had the gall to run his hand across the older man's gleaming head while loudly exclaiming: "Feels just like my wife's ass."

With a look of genuine curiosity, the aging executive rubbed his hand across his head. "You're right," he said, "it does...".

Joke#306

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element tentatively has been named "Corporatium". Corporatium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Corporatium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Corporatium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Corporatium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Corporatium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Corporatium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

You will know it when you see it...

Joke#307

"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.

The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

Joke#308

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the woman and a senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: The officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: The officer claims that you do not have a driver's license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license.

He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused; the officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner.

Woman: I suppose the officer told you I was speeding, too.

Joke#309

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there, and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed, she explained, and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?

"She just died and left me everything."

Joke#310

Women's Words On War

"Today the real test of power is not capacity to make war but the capacity to prevent it." -- Anne O'Hare McCormick

"I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask: 'Mother, what was war?' " -- Eve Merriam

"When men talk about defense, they always claim to be protecting women and children, but they never ask the women and children what they think." -- Pat Schroeder

"The facts of life are that a child who has seen war cannot be compared with a child who doesn't know what war is except from television." -- Sophia Loren (herself a child of war)

"I am against all war." -- Sophia Loren

"There never was a war that was not inward; I must fight till I have conquered in myself what causes war." -- Marianne Moore

"One is left with the horrible feeling now that war settles nothing; that to win a war is as disastrous as to lose one." -- Agatha Christie

"Everything, everything in war is barbaric... But the worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being." -- Ellen Key

Joke#311

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

-- Jerry Seinfield

Joke#312

Truisms

Birds of a feather flock together, and then crap on your car.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!

Joke#313

An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.

"I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years".

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American.

"I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time".

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American.

"Of course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, an' I haven't been away at all".

Joke#314

The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works for you.

Very interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you.

Do not cheat by looking up the answers.

The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!!

Answer the questions as you go along.

There are only four questions and if you see them all before you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down.

Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self.

Give an answer for each item.

Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.

Cow
Tiger
Sheep
Horse
Pig

Write one word that describes each one of the following:

Dog
Cat
Rat
Coffee
Sea

Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colors (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color.)

Yellow
Orange
Red
White
Green

Finished? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.

Look at the interpretations below: (but first before continuing, repeat your wish.)

This will define your priorities in your life.

Cow Signifies CAREER
Tiger Signifies PRIDE
Sheep Signifies LOVE
Horse Signifies FAMILY
Pig Signifies MONEY

Your description of dog implies your own personality.
Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.
Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.
Your description of the sea implies your own life.

Yellow: Someone you will never forget
Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
Red: Someone that you really love
White: Your twin soul
Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

Joke#315

The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause of death of his father.

The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged.

The salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'"

Joke#316

And It Was Good, 1983, Harold Shaw Publishers: (pp. 21-22)

We do not love each other without changing each other. We do not observe the world around us without in some way changing it, and being changed ourselves. To listen to the news on radio or television is to be part of what is going on, and to be modified by it. But how on earth--or heaven--can that be reciprocal? We are changed by war and rumor of war, but how can we in turn change what changes us?

There are some obvious, small ways. We can join, if we are female, the League of Women voters. We can do volunteer work (despite a nine-to-five job) in the hospice movement. We can write our senators and congressmen. In the Greek play Lysistrata the women were so outraged by war that they banded together against the men to stop it. We are not as helpless as we may seem.

Those are a few of the obviously active ways. But there are less obvious ones that are equally important. I was asked how we could pray for our planet, with the devastating wars which are tearing it apart, with greed fouling the air we breathe and the water we drink. And I replied that the only way I know how to pray for the body of our planet is to see it as God meant it to be, to see the sky as we sometimes see it in the country in wintertime, crisp with stars, or to see the land with spring moving across it, the fruit trees flowering and the grass greening, and at night hearing he peers calling back an forth, and the high, sweet singing of the bats.

Joke#317

Women's Bumper Stickers

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends.
3. My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
4. Princess, having sufficient experience with Princes, seeks frog.
5. Coffee, Chocolate, Men - Some things are just better rich.
6. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
7. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
8. I'm out of Estrogen - and I have a gun.
9. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
10. Warning: I have an attitude - and I know how to use it.
11. Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time.
12. Do not start with me - you will not win.
13. You have the right to remain silent - so shut up!
14. All stressed out and no one to choke.
15. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
16. Sorry if I looked interested - I'm not.
17. Don't upset me - I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Joke#318

Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2002 winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeer Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

And, the winner of the Washington Post's Style Invitational:

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a--hole

Joke#319

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution.

He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "yes, I can put you right."

After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You swine, you gave me a woman's ears."

"Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."

"You're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"

Joke#320

Shortly after returning home from a trip to Sea World in Florida, a friend went shopping for swimsuits with her children.

When she emerged from the dressing room in a contrasting black-and-white suit, her four-year-old son, exclaimed his approval: "Oh, Mommy, I love it! You look just like Shamu!"