If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
One Liners
Short and sweet. 352 items · page 1 of 9
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
We waste more time by 8&;00 in the morning than other companies do all day.
You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
Work&; It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
A sausage walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve food here."
A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve poultry." The chicken replies, "That's ok, I only want a drink."
If you've ever driven a Yugo, you know the real reason we're bombing Kosovo.
Lexuses or Lexi? It's like the man who wanted to buy two mongoose. Or is it mongeese? Or mongooses? He finally said, "Send me a mongoose,
My wife asked me if I put the cat out. I said I didn't know it was on fire.
If you don't want anyone to get your goat, don't let them know where you have it tied.
My horoscope said that the finger of fate will point at me. Unfortunately, it was the middle finger of fate.
Why do people sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when they're already there?
Why do hot dogs come ten in a package and the buns only eight?
What's the difference between slime and a lawyer? I've been looking for years, I still can't find any.
"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."
Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen...
What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck? The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?