Joke

How to Read Personal Ads!

WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish.................49
Adventurer.............Slept with all your friends
Athletic...............No tits
Average looking........Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful..............Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.......Does a lot of Ecstasy
Emotionally Secure.....Medicated
Feminist...............Fat ballbuster
Free spirit............Junkie
Friendship first.......Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun................... Annoying
Gentle.................Comatose
Good Listener..........Borderline Autistic
New-Age................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned..........Lights out, missionary position only, no BJ's
Open-minded............Desperate
Outgoing...............Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.............Sloppy drunk
Poet...................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional...........Certified Bitch
Redhead................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque......... .Grossly Fat
Romantic...............Looks better by candle light
Social.................Been passed around like an hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous.............Very Fat
Weight proportional w/height..Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate........ Stalker
Widow................. Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.........Old bat

MEN'S ADS

40-ish..............52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic............Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.....Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated............Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit.........Banging your sister
Friendship first....As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking........Arrogant
Very good looking...Dumb as a board
Honest..............Pathological Liar
Huggable............Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.....Insecure mama's boy
Mature..............Older than your father
Open-minded.........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit......Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet................Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive...........Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive......Gay
Spiritual...........Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable..............Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful..........Says "Excuse me" when he farts