Joke

MAKING COFFEE Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir. . . gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET Laying a carpet is. . . very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT Putting up a tent, is. . . very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an' . . . slip in to the old bag.